...But it made my tongue tingle...
Sam knew Christmas was tomorrow and he was happy about it. The only thing that he hated about Christmas was when his grandma came. Grandad would get him a yummy pear whilst Grandma gave the sour lemon. He woke 7.00 in the morning for his prize but Grandma had hers last he ate the pear that grandad got him now the lemon. Of no surprise he had to eat the lemon his mom insisted that he had too. he ate the lemon quick but it made my tongue tingle and he needed a drink of milk. closing the fridge.
Love the story. I can only see two punctuation mistakes. What was the first idea you had for this prompt? Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteJessica, Newtown Public School, Sydney, Australia.
Why oh why I wonder did Grandma give Sam a sour lemon? And I am guessing that Sam is American as 'mum' is spelt 'mom' which is the American spelling. Also I would love to know what Sam enjoyed about the pear. How could the yummy taste be described in a way that makes my mouth water. I look forward to more writing soon.
ReplyDeleteWhy oh why I wonder did Grandma give Sam a sour lemon? And I am guessing that Sam is American as 'mum' is spelt 'mom' which is the American spelling. Also I would love to know what Sam enjoyed about the pear. How could the yummy taste be described in a way that makes my mouth water. I look forward to more writing soon.
ReplyDeleteHi Jesse. I'm not surprised that Sam's tongue tingled after eating that lemon. What a strange Christmas present for his grandmother to give him! I think you lost your way a bit in the sentence that starts with "He woke...". I find it helps to read something you've written out loud and see if it makes sense when you hear it spoken. It also makes it easier to know when to put in a comma or other punctuation. You try it and see what you think. Bet Sam's Mum was pleased he closed the fridge!
ReplyDeleteAmazing I will try have a look at my pitch :)
ReplyDelete